Hey lovelies!

Firstly, I’d like to apologise for my lack of posts over the past week — it’s been pretty hectic and busy! I’ll fill you in on everything that happened . . . because, oh my god, it’s been a lil wild and crazy.

i. boys

A little while ago, I made a new friend, let’s call him Mochi (since I just had it today and they taste so good — this totally isn’t an innuendo, I promise lmao!)

and we’ve been talking like, every day since. Snapchat, texting, FaceTime, everything, and of course, me being me, I totally started crushing on him so hard. (Which he knows, by the way, since I like . . . might’ve indirected him in a tweet and we had a discussion about it, yadda yadda yadda.) Buuuuuuuut the thing about this is, we won’t be together since A) he’s not into me, B) I’m not his type and C) he’s not into me. All of which really suck.

I mean, I quite like Mochi.

Despite this, I think — I know — he’s totally boyfriend material and I hope he’s happy, wherever, whenever, with whoever. He deserves it. He’s a cool person. He’s also helped me to realise a whole lot. As in to figure out what my triggers are that make me upset, that make me feel lost and alone and hurt and like I don’t want to be here anymore — because I get these feelings a lot.

When you’re suffering from both depression and anxiety, it’s like there are little triggers everywhere. A song, a smell, a place, a phrase, a memory . . . anything can have such a huge impact.

However, there is usually a pattern, and the key to try and improve mental health is to find something that makes you happy — that makes you feel good. You have to find that within yourself. It’s one thing to have friends or a partner who makes you feel better, but your happiness can’t be reliant on them. The moment you put your everything and your happiness into a person, the moment you begin depending on someone, you’re screwed. That’s the biggest mistake anyone can make.

It’s like I knew some of this before, but it never truly hit until Mochi told me.

Once you find what makes you happy, once you start enjoying your own company, things start to get better and you end up not accepting anything less than what you deserve.

Even though things won’t work out with us romantically, I’m glad he’s still my friend and nothing is awkward or weird between us, which was my biggest fear.

A word of advice: do not fall for someone who’s like your best friend.

ii. graduations

On the 17th July, it was my niece’s graduation.

I was so happy I got to experience that day with her: seeing her walk across that stage, wearing her gown and hat was so wonderful. It’s unmatched. It, by far, beats every other moment I’ve felt proud about something.

Three years went by pretty quickly and it feels just like yesterday that she told me what uni she would be attending, just the other day when she was doing her essays (at the last minute, of course), and now she’s got a certificate that is her degree. £27k all on one paper. It’s wild.

The journey to her uni that morning was HORRID. I went with her sister in the morning, so she wouldn’t be alone and we ended up missing our train by TWO (2, two) MINUTES!!!! It was awful. We had to book another one. Thankfully though, the first train was only £7.50 but the one we booked after cost us £25 each.

The day went quickly. It was amazing. It was emotional. It was such a beautiful day. (Literally.)

I mean, other than my shoulder bloody killing me because of how heavy my bag was. (We also got free food, my cousin paid for it yay — we went to Wagamama’s, with their aunt.)

She’s one of the closest people in the world to me and I am so happy that she got this. It’s the biggest day ever, maybe even bigger than one’s wedding day (I mean, education is forever, whereas men . . . errrr, not always. But I’m a bit of a pessimist.) Experiencing this day with her was my favourite part of this week, followed by the day after.

But to talk about the day after, I’ll have to talk about the day before.

iii. internships

On Tuesday, I had an interview with a leads generating and advertising company for a Content Writing internship. The process for applying to writing internships was pretty simple, for all the ones I’ve applied to: submit the resume, add a cover letter which includes all the necessary information about the writing experience (plus link to the blog, if you have one, as well as any publications), and any other relevant experience not mentioned in the CV.

I received an email pretty soon after for an interview, which I had on the 16th. The manager told me he had a look at my blog and he liked it (when I went in, I was told one of the other colleagues liked it too), which made me feel super shy (and pleased!)

The interview questions I was asked was nothing at all like the ones I had prepared for, so I was left floundering a little, trying to quickly think of answers without looking like an idiot. The truth is though, I actually much preferred it to the usual questions like ‘where do you see yourself ten years from now?’, ‘what are your strengths and weaknesses?’ (although he did ask what is one skill I want to improve — which I said was public speaking. Oh god, I literally die inside and have a panic attack in front of large crowds!)

Other questions he asked me were things like, if my (non-existent) child stole something, what would I do, and if I could teach him any skill what would I teach? And well, to that I said I’d teach him how to make a banging chicken curry (oh god, I actually used the word banging), because the Bengali way truly is the best. Afterwards, I was like ‘oh shoot, why did I say that‘ — but it was ok, since he laughed and the discussion moved on.

The questions he asked me were more to get to know me as a person, rather than just another candidate for the position, as well as to learn the way I think. One of the questions was something to do with those big silver circle thingies on the roads? Like you know where the drain/sewer stuff is? It opens up and goes down into the sewer system? He asked why it’s circle. I think I said something like so it takes up less space (which he said he will have to calculate), and it’s easier for the person to get down them (lmao I have no idea what the correct answer is!)

Truth is, surprisingly, for the first time in forever, I didn’t feel nervous. At all. Whatsoever. And I’m usually ALWAYS nervous for interviews and I panic inside and stutter or don’t even smile or laugh — I bs my way through the answers. But but but!!!

I was so comfortable. I was chill. I was relaxed. I was fantastic.

Maybe it’s because I had a pretty good morning. Well, an amazing morning, actually. (I mean, I spent it talking to Mochi.) So maybe that’s why I was just so . . . relaxed during the interview. In my opinion, anyway. The manager could’ve had a totally different impression, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll ask!

Anyway, the day of my niece’s graduation, I shot the company an email saying it was lovely to meet them and I enjoyed getting further insight into their process and what they do, as well as the other roles and tasks etc., in an attempt to make myself stand out just a little bit more, since I knew they were holding more interviews after me.

Tip: If you really want the job, send an email to the company telling them it was great to meet them and what you enjoyed about the interview, mention something specific that you talked about! Tell them about your interest in the role, and not to hesitate to contact you if they have any questions or concerns.

The day after my niece’s graduation, I received an email from them, telling me that it was nice to meet me too . . . and I got the role of the intern content writer. It was around 10AM and I did a little whisper-shriek-scream, before sending an overly excited voice note to Mochi, letting him know. And then I called my mum and told her.

I start soon and I am SO excited (and nervous!)

Sumaiya, x

Posted by:Sumaiya Ahmed

Sumaiya Ahmed is a student, poet and freelance features journalist, aiming to break down the boundaries of cultural stigma and shame attached to mental health and sexuality within the South Asian culture, and bringing marginalised topics to light. She is the Founder and Editor-In-Chief of Poised.

5 thoughts on “Boys, Graduations and Internships

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