hey loves, hope you all had a great monday! i’m in a blanket burrito right now because it is so unbelievably cold and it’s only november.

yikes.

but as it is, today’s blog post is on Sketch, a super pretty and aesthetic restaurant in Mayfair.

it’s gorgeous. it’s pink. it’s every instagrammer’s dream.

i went to Sketch on the 2nd October for nahima’s 22nd birthday, with her and shajjy. we opted for the afternoon tea, costing us each £58.

yikes.

the atmosphere was really nice when we walked in, although i did feel slightly out of place. i’m not entirely sure why i did, perhaps it’s the social anxiety or maybe i was just hungry.

or maybe because i just wasn’t used to being in such a fancy place.

guys oh my god it was SO fancy.

(i preferred alto, and even that was restaurant was posh!)

before being seated, we had to let them know we’d arrived as it had been booked. the tall, gorgeous blonde woman who took our coats was so lovely. i hope she’s happy 🥺

we were taken to our seats by the same woman and then later approached by another blonde woman, who was our waitress.

now, i was wearing a baby pink, lace plunge dress without a bra. and i had a few . . . uhhh hickies on my breasts. and the waitress’ eyes kept going to my breasts. like every so often.

she would be talking and then look at me, her mouth pursing slightly and her eyes would flick down to my breasts before turning her gaze to shajjy and nahima.

i’m not sure if she was a lesbian or just hardcore judging me.

lowkey thinking it was the latter.

after telling us we could get the afternoon tea with champagne and trying to convince us to do so, despite us refusing three times, she left us to bring over the teas we’d chosen.

following that, the lovely and adorable caviar man came to us with our first serving

this was something i’d never really had before, including the scotch egg, so it was exciting to try it!

it wasn’t bad and i definitely enjoyed it, however it did have a weird aftertaste.

the tea that i had was way too watery and not hot enough. disappointing.

after more than forty minutes, our food finally arrived. during that time, we took pictures, talked, browsed instagram and twitter and constantly refreshed the timeline.

it was such a long wait, especially when we were bloody starving.

so the food was good. the sandwiches were yummy. the three of us especially liked the coronation chicken sandwich and the salmon one, as well as the watercress sandwich.

however, despite the yummy-ness, all of the sandwiches tasted sweet, and as if there was too much butter on the breads.

it became a little sickening. but we were hungry and it was refillable, right? so we asked for another few sandwiches of the ones we liked.

and about the sweet food . . .

boy, were they disappointing.

their so-called “savoury” food was two times better. (i WOULD say ten times, but i wouldn’t give it that high a rating honestly.)

the eclair was my favourite from the sweet selection.

oh, and our waitress? the one who looked at me with her judgey eyes? she left halfway through, told us her shift was over.

and she took our teapots.

as disappointing as they were, it was still liquid that was needed to take away the aftertaste of the food. even if the tea itself had a slightly weird aftertaste too.

around thirty minutes after that, we got a new waiter called alexi (also blonde — and a total cutie. he was so sweet too, best service ever!!) who we asked to pack up the slice of victoria cake since there was no way we’d be able to have it then.

we were ready to go to the bathroom and take pictures, an attempt to try and salvage the disaster that was the afternoon tea.

after receiving the box with the cake slices in, the previous waitress whose shift had “ended”, came to us to give the bill.

a) only a £1 charitable donation? were they for real? and b) £22.13 service charge for AWFUL customer service, except from alexi and the caviar man and the lady who took our coats.

we would’ve paid it, without complaint, if we’d had good service and if the food had been worth it. but we didn’t and it wasn’t.

when we told the blonde judgey lady waitress we wouldn’t be paying the service charge, she asked why and nahima explained our reasons.

few minutes later, after the waitress had gotten her manager over to ask what the issues were and his apologies, we paid the £178 only.

i could literally feel the woman’s eyes boring into us as we walked to the bathroom. also my feet were KILLING me.

how do people wear heels?

they’re so painful and difficult to walk in. but the problem with the pair i had on, was that the back of it was rubbing against my feet. and it took some skin off. so ouch.

next time, i’m wearing a plaster in advance ugh.

so anyway we went into the bathroom and guys, it was SUPER cute in there and the lighting wasn’t great but it was decent.

honestly the only reason i’d say i enjoyed that day is because i had a pretty great morning and then giving nahima her birthday present, getting ready, and just spending time with my two favourite people.

i wouldn’t ever go back to Sketch, we were still really hungry by the end of it (when we got back to mine, i heated up the chicken pasta i’d made the day before.)

nahima and i had the cake slice after the pasta and it tasted like absolute sh!t. worst victoria sponge cake EVER. even the tesco ones are better.

i’d rate Sketch 2.5 out of 5. and i wouldn’t recommend the afternoon tea from there, whatsoever.

the caviar man, however, made the visit worthwhile.

i definitely need to find more afternoon places to compare though. do you guys have any suggestions?

and have you been to Sketch? what are your thoughts? let me know!

Sumaiya, x

Posted by:Sumaiya Ahmed

Sumaiya Ahmed is a student, poet and freelance features journalist, aiming to break down the boundaries of cultural stigma and shame attached to mental health and sexuality within the South Asian culture, and bringing marginalised topics to light. She is the Founder and Editor-In-Chief of Poised.

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