[this is a synopsis from an article I wrote for Medium.]
During the early days of my relationship with J, I was still in this haze of ‘pinch-me-I’m-dreaming’ because being treated with so much love, acceptance and wholesome kindness felt so unreal to me. I didn’t know what to do with all the love, all the happiness unfurling inside of me like the petals of a blossoming flower, finally in bloom. I’d been so used to being treated like dirt, maybe because I sought after it, that it made me feel hesitant when I no longer had to deal with it anymore.
I didn’t feel anxious when a couple hours passed by with no message from him because I knew he was busy and we needed our space. I didn’t have to question his faithfulness. I just knew he could be trusted.
From the very first day, I could feel this becoming something more, and when, a month into our relationship, I’d been on my period and a bit of an emotional wreck, crying over trivial and insignificant matters, J bought me Ben & Jerry’s Birthday Cake ice cream and then some chocolates, I couldn’t help but cry. I fought back the tears in front of him, and then when I was home, I let myself cry.
For the second time in early 2020, I let myself cry from happiness. (The first time was when my dad was given the okay to come home again from the hospital.)
What this showed me, albeit it being a very small thing (after all, it was just ice cream, right?) was that relationships, whilst not always smooth sailing all of the time, aren’t meant to be difficult. They aren’t meant to make you question your self worth, your sanity, your happiness, your peace of mind. You’re meant to feel cherished, adored, loved and wanted.