You can’t choose who you fall in love with, they say. If only it were that simple. Growing up in Walsall in the 1990s, Huma straddled two worlds – school and teenage crushes in one, and the expectations and unwritten rules of her family’s south Asian social circle in the other. Reconciling the two was…
Tag: Brown Girl Guilt
Welcome to the section for the women breaking barriers, cycles and letting go of the burden stifling our voices, our lives & our freedom.
Brown Girl Guilt is this sort of deep-rooted feeling of guilt, intertwined with shame, in a constant battle with almost every single decision we will ever make. In every way, it weighs us down and demonises us for wanting to escape the mould of being the ‘Perfect Daughter’, the one that gives our parents bragging rights, the one that obeys them, wears a dupatta and makes cha for every guest, the one that will be a dutiful and acquiescent wife + daughter-in-law. This guilt, this burden of carrying too much, of wanting to push boundaries but feeling like it was some kind of sin, manifests in our daily lives and we have to continually tell ourselves that it’s okay to want something more, it’s okay to step out of this box of what our families demand of us, it’s okay to disappoint them, it’s okay to hate this culture, it’s okay to take care of ourselves.
It’s okay to feel everything.
On dating someone outside my religion
[this piece was first published on Hello Giggles which you can find here.] At the very start of 2020, I met the love of my life. From the beginning, I knew if the relationship blossomed into something more serious, the journey would be fraught with hardship, guilt, and a semblance of questioning where I stand not just…
Blooming in adversity
Since my last post about being unsure whether I would get a job I really wanted, related to mental health, a number of things have changed. Since February/March, I had been working in a position I didn’t entirely want — but it was a massive stepping stone, a look into what-could-be — but that was…
Brown Boy Privilege
Being born a girl is hard enough, but coming into the world as a brown girl is seemingly harder: forced to face the most violent, burdensome subjugations of the Diaspora, still holding onto the traditions of lands left behind, a culture so rife in patriarchy, abuse and placing izzat on the shoulders of its daughters’.
Marriage {as set out by brown culture}
[read about brown boy privilege here.] When it comes to marital relationships in brown culture, there’s something like a guideline to adhere to, lest we’re told to return to our father’s home and not go back. It’s misogynistic, sexist and dripping with patriarchy.
An Open Letter to the phrase “What Will People Say?”
Dear “What Will People Say?” or “Manushe Kita Khoyba?” or “Log Kya Kahenge?”, First of all, nobody likes you.
Muslim-ish, Brown & an Only Child: Wants vs Expectations
so since my post on Brown Girl Guilt, a few things have changed . . . for one thing, my parents know about my boyfriend. my white boyfriend. they’ve known longer than i knew they’ve known.
Brown Girl Guilt
i spent the entirety of today with J, free from the cultural toxicity and the unbelievably infuriating four words that i’m forced to hear every day; what will people say? but this freedom only lasted until i came home at 8pm.
SUMAIYA AHMED 